Speaking from the tongue
of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be
an emasculated, infantile camplainee. This note should be
pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk
rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction
to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence
and the embracement of your community has proven to be very
true. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well
as creating music along with reading and writing for too
many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and
the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect the
way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love
and relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which
is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't
fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or
me. The worst crime I can think of would be to put people
off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock
before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within
my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me I do
but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact
that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people.
I must be one of one of those narcissists who only appreciate
things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be
slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had
as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better
appreciation for all the people I've known personally and
as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration,
the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good
in all of us and I think I simply love people too much.
So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little,
sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus man! Why don't you
just enjoy it? I don't know. I have a goddess of a wife
who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds
me too much of what I used to be. >
Full of love and joy
kissing every person she meets because everyone is good
and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point
to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought
of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death
rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and
I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful
towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so
easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy!
Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach
for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm
too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion
anymore and so remember, its better to burn out than to
fade away. Peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney,
I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney
For her life which will
be so much happier without me.
I Love you. I